Yesterday morning I drove myself to the ER. After I awoke from an extremely fitful night of sleep, I found I could not swallow, it was hard to breathe. "Is it the infection in my throat?" I asked myself, "Or is it an anaphylactic response to the antibiotic?", something I'm prone to having. In that moment I could feel the adrenaline rising, I had a choice, freak the hell out or use my yoga. Honestly, I think I did a bit of both.
Once home, exhausted from the ordeal, reflecting upon the experience, I was feeling a variety of emotions ranging from gratitude to frustration. From a 3 hour wait at Immediate Care the day prior onlyto spend 15 minutes with the doctor who prescribed me a med that would ultimately send me to the ER where yesterday a fast acting team took immediate action and allowed me to navigate what I did and did not want to happen. A yin yang experience highlighting the importance of thoughtful human connection in a system where often patients and employees alike seem broken and frustrated by navigating a highly complex and confusing network of red tape, codes, and groups. Our hospitals, our doctors offices, our immediate care clinics, these are the places where I feel we need it most, a soft approach, a smile, an openness, a welcoming spirit, especially when we are sick, ill, vulnerable, or even afraid.
Rather than allow my mind to spiral into frustration, toward something I could not control, I brought my awareness back to my breath, to my mantra, "freak the hell out or use my yoga". And in this way I learned, making challenge an opportunity, making fear my teacher, my friend. Things like this suck yes but in the end I'm grateful for the reminder of what this practice has and continues to provide. Yesterday morning, while looking into the mirror to fully grasp the nature of the swelling in my throat, I paused, closed my mouth and captured a glimpse of something that was just as important for me to see, a belief, an assurance, an understanding of me. Truth, I believe is wisdom in action. In knowing myself, I would navigate this path, no matter how frustrating or scary it had the potential to be, I would find grounding, safety, and comfort along this path, deeply rooted within me.