Be Still Experiment: Room for 1

Room #1 at the Adobe Inn, the "expensive room" by the maitre d's standards, the longest running Inn and Restaurant in Ridgeway, Colorado.  A gem with a window into my heart.  I've stayed here with a dear friend and on that night our relationship was rocked to it's core, never recovering, never quite the same.  I've stayed here with a lover, an adventurous voyager, his vibrance, his darkness eventually taking him to his grave.  I said goodbye here to a boyfriend who when we reunited he became my fiance, my husband, and my ex. 

A #1 on the door, on the familiar rusted key ring in my hand, myself as one, I cross the threshold into this room with so much memory, an appreciation for those who ventured here with me once before. I vow to be present, to breathe, to be still, here for the first time on my own, in this auspiciously numbered room, as 1. 

11 is my number, it appears so often that I've come to welcome it, a reminder to be present, to appreciate the little moments that have come to feel just a little like magic.  So it does not escape my attention that I have returned to this place, this room that has so much history with others, rather than 1 and 1, simply as 1.

There is so much beauty in this life and sadly so often we miss it, lost in the future, the past, longing for something or for someone who isn't here and now.  It brings tears to my eyes when I think how many beautiful moments have been lost, too adrift in the past, the future, lost upon the mind, the movement of the pendulum swing. 

And so as 1 I sit, I breathe, I am still.  The mountains have turned pink, geese, in V formation fly in the sky above, their sound audible before they come into view.  I sit.  I breathe.  The clouds, now orange, move so slowly that it is virtually undetectable.  The smell of dried sage and soil are in the air.  The shoulds, the sposdas, the coulds, appear in my periphery and fade with the sun and pass with the clouds.  I feel still, rooted, connected, grateful. 

I am grateful for this moment, this place, that has seen so much of my change.  An offering of familiarity, a reminder, a return to me.  In stillness, surrounded by the colors of the setting sun, with so much love for everything and everyone who has brought me here to this moment, back to this place, more rooted, more 1, than it feels I have ever been.

Be Still Experiment: Dis-ease

Dis-ease is a physical sensation that originates from the gut, an unpleasant vibration, a tension, almost twisting, butterfly wings fluttering, the emotion that resonates is shame.  A dull, low-level nausea coincides with the sensation and increases or decreases with intensity in relation to the thoughts that I have come to call the shoulds, the spoasdas, and the coulds; the voices from past experiences, from others, from within, that distort the softer more subtle ones of truth, intuition, the gut, the self.

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The light needs the dark to shine

I find no coincidence in the fact that on this heavy, seemingly dark day, one of Chicago’s Public Schools opened its doors to me, making room, offering space for the establishment of a skill set, the skill set I believe we need.  On a day when my soul needs a hug, I was moved to tears as a team of parents, a loving principal, said yes to investing in social and emotional wellness programming for our children.

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Healing turmeric smoothie

After what feels like two straight weeks of late nights watching post season baseball, go Cubs go, I woke up this morning and decided to get creative with turmeric, a lovely orange root with anti-inflammatory effects.  What manifested was not only beautiful to look at but was delicious and energizing too.  I hope you enjoy it.

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Welcome: Create Space

We all need a space for our voice, for an expression of our creativity.  A place to be ourselves, to tap into our truth.  However to make space, we have to make room, clear out, clean out, and separate ourselves from our junk, something we don't often like to do.

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